Insecurities.
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Normally when we hear this word we think of our pudgy bellies, that massive zit on our face, or some other aspect about ourselves we’re not proud of.
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Over the past decade I’ve been fighting an insecurity of my own. But it’s different than what you may be thinking of.
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And perhaps, I’m not the only one who struggles with this, so today I’m going to share it.
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Everyday when I look in the mirror, every night I lay in bed alone right before I drift to sleep, my thoughts center around one idea:
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“I’m not doing enough with my life.”
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No matter how busy I am, how many projects I’m working on, what all I have going on-it’s never quite good enough.
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And all those dreams and goals that haven’t even been touched yet, I feel this immense guilt for letting them just sit there in mind.
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Together, the weight of the inadequacy of what I’m doing combined with the pressure of what I’ve been unable to do, have come together to break me down.
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This picture was from last year, but it kind of represents how I’ve felt the past couple of months.
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In the Bible, Jesus talks about this idea of talents he gives us. When we prove to be faithful with a few, more are added.
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After talking to God and people he’s put in my life, I’ve decided to purely focus a few things I know he’s given me to do.
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Lately, I’ve been attempting to be all sorts of things by myself: Blogger, YouTuber, Podcaster, Author, Business Owner.
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And I’ve been able to do all of them, but just kind of. 
Doing them all together hasn’t going well and I’ve been spreading myself rather thin.
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On top of all that, I’ve been pressuring myself to also one day own property, speak professionally, produce a feature-length film, start a family, travel the world, and many other life goals.
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One day, I imagine all those other projects may have a season of their own. But I cannot nor do I have the desire to do them on my own.
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So for this season, I’m deliberately choosing to let go of the extras and put them away along with the guilt of things left to do.
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My priorities now are as follows:
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1. My relationship with God and others
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2. My health
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3. My work for the Illinois District of the Assemblies of God.
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4. My freelance filmmaking business.
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5. Nathaniel’s Book
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I’m not gonna lie.
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It hurts to admit I’m not good enough and that I need help if I’m going to add more into my life.
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But I’m relying on God to be content with what I have, to find my fulfillment in him, and I trust him to lead me where I need to go during my short time on Earth.
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Bottom Line: I no longer want to be busy-my goal is to be living in obedience and on mission.
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And I’m secure in that